Self-Reflection

Last nite as I was posting yet another picture of the family, I realized that I rarely take time out to "self-reflect". To find that quiet moment to think about who I am. You might enjoy this activity for yourself:

I AM: myself

I WANT: To not be afraid. Especially of panic. And of death. And I want to feel more. To feel free, relaxed, and in the moment. I think I’ve become numb over the past few years. Maybe I’m on auto-pilot because there is so much to do, and the days pass by. And the months. And the years. I don’t want life to pass me by. I want to be present.

I WISH: The world was a more peaceful place.

I HATE: Nothing. I don’t like the word. I wasn’t allowed to use that word growing up, and my kids can’t use it either.

I MISS: My grandpa. He was buried on my 25th birthday. I remember touching his super-soft silver hair as he lay in the casket. I loved his hair. He and I did projects in his “shop” – just fooling around and hanging out together. He taught me to swim. He taught me to float. He taught me my multiplication tables and gave me $10 when I could recite them to him. He took me fishing. And to the VFW. And he had hands that were soft but rough. He had me sneak whiskey into his water. He recorded me as a small girl (maybe 2 or 3) saying “lake gi-ch-goomie”. I wish I could find that tape. No matter what I did, I knew he loved me.

I HEAR: everything. My mom always tells me that my ears grow to allow me to be “in the know” about everything. I guess I do like to know what’s going on. So I do listen well!

I WONDER: If I am doing the right thing with my girls. And I wonder what I’m meant to do on this earth.

I REGRET: Not much. Except when I lose my temper and say things I don’t mean to my husband. Or when I lose my temper with the girls.

I AM NOT: judgemental

I DANCE: rarely. I used to dance a lot more. With Dave. Now I don’t. Why? I don’t know. I’m more self-conscious of it now. I sometimes dance with the girls – when we are being silly.

I SING: rarely. Hmmmm…same as dancing. I used to sing to myself a lot. Now I find that I’m usually listening to Public Radio. I need to bring music back into my life.

I CRY: When I watch Little House on the Prairie.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: in the present moment

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: messes! Ha ha! Food (sometimes). And gestures (!)

I WRITE: on my blog – mostly about my girls.

I CONFUSE: Fear with reality. Fear with instinct or intuition. Is it what I really want (or don’t’ want to do) or is it fear?

I NEED: myself. And my girls. And my husband. And my family. And my friends.

I SHOULD: Be the best person that I can be.

I START: What I can finish.

I FINISH: What I can.